Fetishes, you has one, or two, or ...

I'm in school. I'm in a psychology class. Now, whenever I talk to people or watch TV, I think I'm a fucking psychologist. I'm diagnosing, labeling disorders, getting that "ah HA!" moment when people express anxiety because I know why. The problem is: I don't know what I'm talking about. The only class I've taken is the damned introductory class, Psychology 101. Who do I think I am?

One class isn't going to make me an expert. But, you've probably heard the saying: in the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Well, I may not have a full eye and the one I have is cloudy and vague, but I can make out more than the blind.

My final report is on fetishes. And I've learned quite a bit, like Freud's reason why people have them. After I give a nutshell explanation, you might find that you have one, too.

Freud theorized in a Castration Complex. That's where little boys, who are horrified to find out their mother doesn't have a penis, substitute an object in place of the penis. Mind you, this is all subconscious and relative. Little girls on the other hand, discover that boys DO have a penis and assume theirs was torn off, so they substitute and object in it's place as well (a.k.a. "penis envy"). This is all assuming that the penis is the symbol of erotic sexuality.

The most common fetish is a foot and leg fetish. This includes any object or behavior that is associated with feet: bare, shoes, high heels, stockings, skirts. But typically, there's a behavior associated with them. What are the feet doing/wearing. Stocking alone won't do the trick, but stockings on feet might. Perhaps bare feet being squished into a pumpkin does it for some people.

High heels are the most prevalent. This is because the high heel is symbolic of a phallus. A woman in high heels is seen as a phallic woman. These women are associated with power (which could also be the reason ultra high heels are often seen in BDSM.)

Well, there's a two paragraph of a 20 minute presentation of fetishes. I summarized. Chiao!

Help Mike Aitken!

A very little known fact about my family. I have a cousin, who's married to a man by the name of Mike Aitken. Mike is a world renownd BMX rider. I'll say it again, "World Renownd BMX Rider". He does it for a living. He's good, really good. He lives in a big house with a wife and his son, Owen. He's doing so well for himself, the worst thing that could happen would be an accident.

It happened, with nightmarish results.

As of this post, Mike is in the hospital after suffering an accident, causing a brain stem injury. Due to his line of work, he's uninsurable and the hospital bills are expected to be in the hundreds of thousands. Please, help.

Special Thanks to: 5050BMX and Athlete Recovery Fund for setting up the fund to help his recovery, Odyssey, Fit Bike Co. and FOX Racing for setting up support shows and VIP auctions to raise money for his fund. More thanks to Rockstar, Lotek and all his friends across the world.

You can keep up-to-date on his condition by visiting http://www.mikeaitken.com.

What a Relief - Wife Doesn't Have Cancer

Sweet, huh? If you've kept up, my wife found a lump in her boob. She got it checked and after ultrasounds, tests, probes and pokes, she had it removed. They tested the mass and found it to be benign. No cancer!! Sweet. Awesome news for anyone.

The Crest

It looks as though the worst has past. They always say it's darker before the dawn.

My mother is doing better. She can raise her arms above her head. She's still not 100%, but she's getting there.

My brother is finally out of his old place, away from his exgirlfriend. I never really understood what he saw in her. But, he's a bit happier. He's now living with my mother until he can get back on his feet. In the past, my brother and I lived as bachelors for a few years. Our mom would check in ever so often. This bugged him a bit because he felt it incringed on his independence. He would bitch about her every time. Sometimes saying he hated her. We knew he didn't mean it, but he'd say it. Because of this, I think him moving with her is a disaster waiting to happen, but they're getting along for now. He called me the other night and said, "I shouldn't be here." I didn't know exactly what to say. His pride is hurt.

He's always been the big brother. The one to look up to, the one that is supposed to lead by example. I'm sure it hurts him a bit to be exposed and shown that he, too, can stumble or even fall. I'll bet it's a truth he wished he didn't have to learn.

I'm trying to help, anyway I can. I want to take him out to places, to be around people that aren't his mom, fun people (no offense mom.) Three weeks ago, we went to a bar and had a great time. I bought everything and I didn't mind one bit. I wish he didn't insist on paying me back, though, it was my treat. Plus, I know he can't/won't so I wish he'd stop offering. I had a lot of fun with him. It was worth every penny and I want to do it again. Mostly, he says, "I have no money." I can understand that, of course, but it's a downer when he won't come because refuses to let me pay. I just want him out of that house for a bit, clear his head, straighten his thoughts so he can focus on his goals better. But, I also don't want to damage his pride further. I'm sure it frustrates him. I love my family and I justwant to help them out, however I can. We all try to do what we're able. If he won't let me pay his bills, then let me ease his mind for a night.

My sister is still estranged and my brother is still in Nevada. I don't expect them to change anytime soon. Which can be a comfort sometimes, because you can count on them being where they are. No emergencies means a good day.

I didn't call my Father on Father's Day. I feel guilty for it. I have his cell, but he dosn't answer. My sister says his work took it away. I guess it was a company phone. I have his home number, but I'm uncomfortable with calling it. One of the advantages of cell phones is: the only person that usually answers, is the person your trying to reach.

It Falls in Clumps

It just doesn't seem to stop, now, does it?  My wife found a bump in her breast last week.  She had it checked by a doctor, who was concerned and ordered an ultrasound, which caused more concern so they ordered a biopsy.  It was benign (which is good), but caused enough concern to have the doctor say, lets take it out.  So an operation is now scheduled a few weeks from now.

Yesterday, my wife's step-father passed away.  He was a serious alcoholic.  Realizing he needed serious help, he turned to his ex-wife (my mother-in-law).  She doesn't keep any alcohol in the house and they thought it'd be a good idea for him to find stability there.  The rule was, he could stay there as long as he didn't drink.  He did great for a couple weeks.  Three days ago, he started sneaking it and she found out.  He broke the rule and had to go.  She said she didn't want to watch him die.  That night, he did.  His alarm was going off in the morning, she went in to turn it off and found him on the floor.

911 was called and he was rushed to the hospital where they were able to revive his heart, but it was too late.  His step-son performed a final blessing and they unplugged the machines.

This spring will remain in my memory in infamy.  What a horrible season.  It's been stabbed, it's dying and I hope it doesn't bleed into the next.

The Life and Times of a Pseudo-Quadrapalege

HI! I'm Susan. For those of you who don't know me, my sympathies. For those who do, I hope these posts to be fun, funny, enlightening and at times touching. Well. if you've kept up with this blog, you know that the Admin is facing the reality of his parents' mortality. His father's heart attack (I always knew there was one in there somewhere) and my rare and sudden disabling disorder. It's a lot for a person to handle. I was in my late 40's when I realized my parents were getting older. I decided I need to start making my claim on some of their cool stuff.

I have a rare autoimmune disorder called "dermatomyositis". You can learn more about it here if you want:
http://www.emedicine.com/neuro/topic85.htm

It affects approximately 1 in 20 million people in the world. (And you thought the Admin was unique.) This disorder causes the body's immune system to attack healthy tissue, mainly skin (derma) and muscle (myos). So, my muscles are very weak and sometimes my pillow weighs 2,000 pounds! But, I'm bigger than this and will beat it!

For those who don't know, I'm an old hippie, which basically means that I'm in to all that alternative stuff and a liberal. I'm also a Master energy healer in Reiki. Ironic, huh? Well, in energy healing we believe that disease it born of fear. More on this thought later.

When I was raising my kids I was like most parents, I couldn't wait for the cute, little bundles of joy to be born and then couldn't wait for them to leave home and in between I hope, I spent a lot of time loving them. When my daughter moved into her own place, I had all kinds of ideas as to what I would do with my new found emptinestness. (If Bush can make up words, so can I) That came to an abrupt halt about 3 weeks later when my husbands grandkids were abandoned by their parents. Please note: HAVING CHILDREN IS A CHOICE UNTIL YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND THEN THAT IT YOUR CHOICE! Well, after 2 1/2 years their mother has finally pulled her head out of her ass and has decided to be a mother. She's living with us and doing a fine job. So, she and the kids are going to be moving soon and I am once again faced with the prospects of a well deserved empty nest. A chance to reinvent my life! I can be anything I want to be, or do anything I want to do. I can even travel. However, for some odd reason, I'm crippled by this dis-ease. Hmmmm.

Now to the dis-ease being born of fear thought. What exactly am I afraid of? Stay tuned. Hopefully, the cosmos will send me an answer while I'm napping...I mean 'meditating.'

In the mean time, "Barack to the Future!"

Falling to Pieces

Spring 2008 sucks ass.  I feel like my whole family is falling a part.  A quick recap as to what's happened.

In winter my Father was told he had high blood pressure.  About a month and a half ago, he had a heart attack, a mild one.  However, a heart attack is a heart attack is a heart attack, whether mild, severe or fatal.  Three weeks later, he went in for a triple bypass and ended up with a quadruple bypass.  I went to see him the following weekend and when we arrived, he had left 15 minutes prior.

Around the same time, my mother was diagnosed with high blood pressure.  She was put on medication.  Her body had a reaction to the medication and developed an autoimmune disease.  It's attacking her muscles, ligaments and skin tissue.  She can barely move because of the pain and is currently living in a basement so she doesn't have to walk up or down any stairs.  I went over there last week and had to move some furniture around because she's getting stir crazy.

My brother recently broke up with his girlfriend of five years.  He's depressed and upset.  He says he wants her out (because she left him) and he's packing her things, but his actions say otherwise.  She's creating a lot of drama.  I just learned that he's going to quit drinking, which is good.  The revelation came to him after he was released from a hospital.  Why was he in the hospital?  Because he drank two bottles of whisky and a bunch of sleeping pills.

My other brother across the desert is going to snap one day.  He's a cop, and carries a gun.  He lives in a nothing town in the middle of nothing.  He desperately needs to leave that place, but can't because his son is there.  He refuses to leave his son, which is good.  But that place will kill him if he doesn't leave.

My sister is estranged.  She never calls, she doesn't participate much in family events and I have no clue what is happening to her.  She just had her 23rd birthday, yesterday.

I feel I'm the only solid thing here.  I just want to say to all of them, "I'm here for you.  All you need to do is call.  I will make time for you.  I can offer some objectivity to your life, a different angle.  Just give me a call before you do what I think you're going to do."

Maybe I've estranged myself.  Maybe I'm the one who needs to take the initiative and do something, be there.  Yes.  I think I do.

Update: My mother started a blog. A sort of way to deal with her stir craziness.